He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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