does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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