that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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