i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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