it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
