So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
