Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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