if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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