Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
