We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
