Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Randomize
