If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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