dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
please don't ironically join a cult
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