Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
