Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
