...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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