Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
