he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
