You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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