Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
