Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
