It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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