if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
