I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
