I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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