i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
