Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
