singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
