I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
