playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
