I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
