I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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