fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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