dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
