New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
