Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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