kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
