Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
