and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
