there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
