The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
