Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
