May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
