Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
