I just threw up on my dentist
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Randomize
