Don't make out with my wife yet
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
