You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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