In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
