my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
