Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
