My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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